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Esurientes - The Comfort Zone

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Chocolate Chilli Tim Tams

With BONUS illustrated instructions on how to perform a "Tim Tam Slam"!


A new Tim Tam flavour? Meh. I always think the original Tim Tams are the best. If it aint broke, don't fix it. Well, apart from the dark chocolate ones. You always get fewer biscuits in the special flavour packets anyway - 9 instead of 11. The chewy caramel ones aren't worth it, and the Tia Maria flavoured ones (yes, we have alcoholic flavoured biscuits) are a bit overhyped and overrated. So, hmmmmmm, what's this new way they're trying to reinvent the wheel?
*WAIT* Ohmygawd! Chilli?!?!?!?! Chilli DARK chocolate??!!! Chilli dark chocolate TIM TAMS??!!! Evidentally jumping on the whole chocolate chilli bandwagon here, but hey - that's a combination I like!

*MUST BUY MUST TRY MUST BUY MUST TRY!!!*

And yes, I was in 7/11 at the time, so I paid through the nose for this packet.
Tim Tams are the MOST famous Australian biscuit. More so than Anzacs. More so than Iced Vovos, more so than....erm....Tee Vee Shapes or Milk Arrowroots (bleah). These are the chocolate biscuits Aussie expats around the world will go into raptures about, if you give them half a chance. And yes, they are as good as the Aussies say they are. Two crispy wafers, sandwiched with a creamy chocolate filling and coated in thick chocolate.



Before you start emailing me in excitement, the odd looking circle on the top of the biscuit is where it was pressed against the plastic, not some eerie crop circle or Virgin Mary appearance, ok?!

The most famous way Aussies will use these biscuits is as a straw for hot liquids - aka The Tim Tam Slam. This is a very famous and very Australian way of having a Chocolate Orgasm - any passing Australian you happen to flag down off the street would easily and enthuasiastically demostrate this skill to you. We're very eager to convert.
What you do is you take your Tim Tam (any type, but not the chewy caramel ones - they don't work) and take a small bite from each opposing corner. See below:


Here's one I prepared earlier....

And you take your Tim Tam to your cup of hot liquid (say, a nice, hot cup of tea....*), dunk one bitten corner in, and take your lips to the top corner (where you've bitten off the edge):


Tim Tam poised for slamming above a nice, hot cup of tea.

Now, with your lips locked around one bitten corner, and the other bitten corner suspended in your hot liquid (and it MUST be hot, otherwise this doesn't work properly - sorry to all you cold Milo afficionados. It's just wrong, ok?!) you slowly start sucking. Be careful! Don't do it while your liquid is still at boiling point or you'll boil your lips off and drop your Tim Tam in your liquid, and that would be a shame. Suck slowly - about 3 sucks should do it. You'll notice the biscuit start to soften; this is your cue. IMMEDIATELY gather it up into your mouth before it starts to disintegrate. The hot liquid has been sucked up through the crispy biscuit and soft filling into your mouth, softening and melting the biscuit and chocolate on the way. It will explode in a chocolately, biscuity mess in your mouth.
You will then experience a chocolate orgasm in your mouth! This is fact.
It's really something you must try, or at least watch an Aussie friend do and laugh at their hunched posture with ecstatic smiles on their faces. This is why expat Aussies in the UK and American spend a week's salary on hunting down and buying imported packets of Tim Tams. It's that orgasm taste of home, you know! :-)

Anyway, so how do these dark chocolate chilli Tim Tams taste? Well, I opened the packet and lifted on to my nose. They smelled like dark chocolate - they smelled just like Tee Vee shapes actually. I bit into one. Meh - what's all the excitement about? It tastes just like a dark chocolate Tim Ta........oh! I can taste something.....it tastes all warm in my mouth...............hmmmmm actually, it's getting a bit too warm in my mouth.....................arrrghhhhh, that's HOT!!!!
Ok - it's not like biting down on a whole chilli in a curry or anything, but these do pack some warmth. I feared that the chili would be so muted to appeal to the wider population that it'd be hidden, but it's definitely there. I LOVED it! These are my Tim Tams of choice now - until they're taken out of circulation for whatever new gimmick comes along - white chocolate and avocado, perhaps?

(* yes, it's from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

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